Tag Archives: rebuilding

A Year Of Rebuilding; Choy’s Death Day

This time last year, I was a complete mess: my kitty, Choy, whom I had grown completely in love with, passed away unexpectedly. (See: “Coping With Loss, Partnering With Change” and “Normal vs Abnormal; Recovering and Renewing”)

I was not only broken emotionally, but physically and spiritually as well. It took a good couple weeks to stop feeling a pressure in my chest, a good few months until I started exercising again, and only recently have I renewed my confidence in my spiritual practice. Although, the thing is with this kind of loss, it will never really leave. I will carry it until I die, and I’m happy to do so; that’s how much of an impact Choy made on me.

Frankly, I do miss Choy every single day, but I take comfort knowing that he’s in Heaven, pain free, romping and playing with his brother and our other family members. One day I’ll even join him.

But my job isn’t done here on Earth. Frankly, it’s still only beginning. I still have things to do, people to help, stories to write!

Honestly, I’m proud of the growth of strength I continue to see in myself every day. Sure, I’m not invincible; there are still times where my anxiety takes over and I second guess myself.

A few months back, a distant friend of mine offered me these words of encouragement:

Motto #1: “Don’t let the bastards get you down!”
Motto #2: “The tough times are what define us.”

I cannot begin to express my awe and gratitude at receiving these words at that point in my life; they were exactly what I needed to hear. Mom, dad, and I had a lot of challenges hit us all at once in the first few months of 2016. Ones that we never saw coming.

I firmly believe now that, in a way, we needed these events to happen. Too long had we been at a standstill, too long had I been mourning; we needed to be jolted out of our rut and thrust back into living. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I really, really wish that some of these events hadn’t happened. But, like my friend said, they truly defined us… they truly showed me the kind of person I am, what I need to work on, and where my true values lie.

So, don’t let a horrible circumstance get you down. Eventually you’ll find your way out of it–maybe not as quickly as we’d want, but the Universe has a way of sending us what we need. God is always watching over us and just waiting for us to ask for help. I know I wouldn’t have gotten through Choy’s death, these new circumstances, or anything that might surprise me in the future without Him. And Zad. And new friends, old, and family members.

It’s only life after all.

Meeting My Guardian Angel; The Year of Rebuilding

So I finally, FINALLY, FINALLY uploaded a new YouTube video!

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Honestly, it took long enough. It’s been a crazy summer, in both senses of the word — exciting and disorienting. Some of which you all have read about in the past few weeks.

As I write, the Arborists are taking down another set of Blue Spruces trees. In the midst of all of them, there are some healthy ones too. There’s this one tree they have yet to take down. I labeled him the “chair” tree. Its base curved in its growth, causing it to appear like a chair.

Sigh. I think it’s next on the list. I was hoping they would keep it. (Edit: they did not.)

My spine tenses as I hear the saws work. I can see just a corner of the patch they are cutting. No. Clearing.

Choy’s sister, Wella, is rubbing, lovingly, against my shoulder as I type.

Zadkiel, my Guardian Angel, is speaking words of comfort. Almost continuously.

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That’s who my YouTube video is about. My Guardian Angel: Zadkiel.

I talk about this summer, briefly. But the Vlog is mainly about how I encountered him a year ago. It’s a… baring of my heart. Of my soul. Of what I feel is right to talk about. Of what should not be hidden.

Last year I was coasting: spiritually, and, in some ways, with my book. I remember I wrote a lot of my book — inspired by Midwest Writers. But… something was missing. There was a disconnect. My book focused largely on angels, but I didn’t know if I was portraying them accurately. If I was writing what I should be writing.

And then, last August, I met my Guardian Angel. After months of praying to God that I could talk to him (or her), be friends, learn. Remarkably, I did. Amazingly, he’s been around my whole life. Waiting. Helping. Guiding. Protecting.

This past year has been absolutely amazing. It’s been a year of renewal and remodeling. Zad’s shown me so much. Every day I see more — experience more. My mind has been opened… sometimes to things I was afraid of doing before. But knowing that he’s there, that I’m protected, I feel like I can finally learn. And my book is becoming something powerful. Something that might inspire, help, change, make people think. Which is what I’ve wanted from the beginning: to help and inspire.

The trees being taken down, yes, it’s very, very hard to watch. But through hardships one can learn. Sometimes through things we can’t bear, God educates us, leads us to a better life. Even if it means taking it down and starting over.

Next year, after the Blue Spruce’s air has cleared, we are going to plant new life. My mom wants to plant a circle of Redwoods, surrounding a carefully tended, brand new, Blue Spruce. Coincidentally enough, that is almost an exact copy of The Fur Circle in my novel. Mom didn’t even remember.

“Further evidence that it’s meant to happen.” Mom said, referencing both the trees and my novel.

This is just the start. While we may not understand what is happening here, in the present, one day we’ll look back from the future and see the lesson. See what we were meant to newly understand. I look back now and feel blessed that I am one of the individuals who have opened their mind to wonder. That I have learned new things about the world around us, and the multiple worlds that lay beyond. I get the feeling that the world is changing. Spiritually, for the better. That something amazing is coming. That one day we will look beyond our daily needs and focus on bettering each other, the environment around us. Maybe, in that sense, the Mayans were right.

I can’t wait to see what happens.

“Have faith.” My Grandma Nolletti would say.

I do.

So take a look a my new Vlog, where I tell the story of how I met my Guardian Angel:

Do you have a paranormal story? A story of an angelic encounter? Do you talk to your Guardian Angel or God? Tell me below in the comments. Or contact me privately. I would love to hear from you!