There’s a quote in Disney’s “Meet The Robinsons” that Cornelius, the genius inventor who has built this amazing city, swears by:
“Keep moving forward!”
The entire source of these three quotes are revealed by the end of the movie as something Walt Disney said:
“Around here, however, we don’t look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward, opening up new doors and doing new things, because we’re curious… and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.”
I’ve had this quote popping up at random moments this month. I mean, when I actually think about it, it hasn’t been all that horrible, but it’s definitely been a weird mental trip.
My father’s business closed as of December 31, 2017, and emotions have definitely been up and down for mom and I as we adapted to retired life. For me, that means financially I have to 100% stand on my own two feet–which I’m quite capable of doing–but, in lieu of Dan and I getting married, I have been worrying about our combined future and everything that comes with it.
Which is pretty stupid when you get right down to it.
Now, let me explain. It’s great to plan and be mindful of the future, to work hard so you prevent trouble as much as you can. But I was worrying to the extent of it causing me panic attacks! I was worrying more about the future–about Dan and my mother’s happiness–than celebrating my completion of a bookkeeping course, or successfully applying and pursuing jobs.
I talked to my friend about my anxiety and she labeled part of it as “impostor syndrome,” which is not entirely inaccurate. Basically, I’m not internalizing my accomplishments and am fearing failure despite all my hard work. In short, being a fraud. It’s an illogical thing to happen; my doubter calling me out, saying “you’re going to lose no matter what you do.”
I’m proud to say that once my friend pointed out what my brain was doing, I’ve since issued an eviction notice to the Doubter. He’s no longer welcome in my life and will be vacating soon.
All the goals I’m pursing, this 2018, are well on their ways to being accomplished:
1. Become financially stable; whether it’s by creating a business, getting an additional job, or some combination of both.
2. Lose weight by Dan and I’s wedding; I’m already 10 pounds down, 40 more to go!
3. Finish current draft of novel by March, have my completed book circulating to agents by Dan and I’s wedding.
I will not give up. I will not give in.
Always keep fighting.
And keep moving forward.